On this first Mother’s day with you; “What my Mom taught me about Leadership!”
A month ago, on New Year’s eve, my Mom left us. She stopped suffering. I was blessed to spend the last week by her side. It was probably her wish that the five of us spend the Holidays together. Her wish was granted, and we all slept by her side under the same roof for the first time in almost 30 years. I miss her already, but I will always remember her wisdom. I compiled the things I learned from her which made me the person I am today:
1. “Whatever you do, just Don’t be insignificant”. To date, I am a constant learner thanks to her, and i remain obsessed with being significant. As someone in his mid-40s and living in Silicon Valley with two small toddlers, and as witness to the accelerating pace of change, my Mom’s advice is more relevant than ever and on my mind daily.
2. “Don’t be a slave to habit”. I often hear people saying, “I can’t live without my admin” or “I just can’t fly in economy” or “I have to travel once a year.” My mom always encouraged me to break habits and not surrender to them. This equates to adaptability, which is probably the most important trait we can foster in our kids because the world is going places we cannot even conceive. My favorite quote is Darwin’s “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent; it is the one most adaptable to change.”
3. When I complained that someone was jealous of me, she often said, “Be grateful that you are not envious of people.” Most good leaders do not obsess about those who try to compete with them; they focus on their goals and press forward. I often remind myself that when someone tries to stab you in the back, it means you are ahead of them.
4. While she gave me tons of love and believed in me, she also believed that adversity shapes leaders. She often told me, “If later in your life you have it easy, you will appreciate it. And if you have it hard, you will know how to deal with it.”
5. While she knew nothing about music, she supported my musical education through 12 years of classical guitar at the conservatory. She insisted on attending all of my concerts. When i won an international music award (Joaquin Rodrigo) in 1995, she flew to Spain to be with me. When i played his music Aranjuez, she’d say she needed to close her eyes and listen; interestingly enough, the composer was blind. In her last days, I played guitar by her side. Even though she couldn’t speak, she was visibly emotional and tearing up listening to familiar tune, like Aranjuez….eyes closed.
6. My mom believed in Financial and Retirement Planning. She often explained; “when you are young, you don’t need to spend money to look beautiful”. As a public school teacher, she managed to financially support our education in the US and Canada in Ivy League schools.
Mom was born at the beginning of World War 2 (when Lebanon was a French colony) to a modest family in North Lebanon. She and Dad initially met when she was a teen student of his. When the two married, she was a teacher herself at a local tiny school (literally two rooms). A year later, they moved to Beirut and my mom adapted to new standards. She worked at a public school for decades, and dealt with tough poor students who had been through a lot. During that time, the Civil War — which would last for 15 years — broke out and she had to care for my siblings and me as my dad worked in Saudi Arabia. Our house was destroyed twice. We had to flee often. My dad was kidnapped once. And at a time when there were no cell phones and each of her three sons would be out — with bombs going off everywhere — I often asked her, “Why do you worry so much about us?” She’d reply, “Wait until you have your own kids, you will understand then.”
My mom accomplished her wish, which was to hold a baby of mine and when I had my first child three years ago, my mom held him with so much love and care despite her deteriorating health… I think that was the last time she left her house. I can still hear her asking “What’s nicer than having your own child?” Then she’d answer her own question, “The child of your child.”
I will always remember my mom as a fighter. She learned to swim and drive in her 50s. She lived the majority of her life through poverty, war and through her long illness. As someone who didn’t finish school, her kids went to Cornell, Mcgill and Harvard. She will continue to be an inspiration to me and to many others, the students and generations she inspired.
